And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
