guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
