Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
