I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Randomize
