i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
