someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
