I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
