you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
