I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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