id be glad to
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
