This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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