Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
