If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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