Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
