I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Someone stole a lamp last night.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
