Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
