dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
