I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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