Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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