Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
