so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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