is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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