i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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