I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
