obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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