Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
