I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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