I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
