Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
