Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
