He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
