I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
