My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
