dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
