dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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