i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
