i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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