operation harelip BJ is a go
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
