They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
