True but thats because hes a fetus.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
