I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
