honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
