It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
