She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
