I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
