As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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