There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
