So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
