I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
