Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
